Eating Soft Boiled Eggs, Getting A Professional Massage, Being Judgy at Airports, and More

Nick: Do you get confused by soft boiled eggs? Do you refuse to follow your host's instructions? Do you ruin a night at the theater for everyone? Were you raised by wolves? Let's find out!

[Theme Song]

Here are things that can make it better

When we have to live together

We can all use a little help

So people don't ask themselves

Were you raised by wolves?

Nick: Hey, everybody. It's Nick Leighton.

Leah: And it's Leah Bonnema.

Nick: And let's just get right down to it with our amuse bouche.

Leah: Oh ho ho ho ho! Here we go!

Nick: [laughs] So for today's amuse-bouche, I want to talk about soft boiled eggs. So Leah, do you enjoy this?

Leah: I—straight off the top I love eggs. I love all eggs. I'm a huge egg person.

Nick: Okay, but how about them in soft boiled form?

Leah: And then I was gonna say soft boiled? Mwah!

Nick: Yes. So what is interesting about soft boiled eggs is that I think there are two camps. There are those that love it, and then those that actually don't eat them because they don't know how. And somebody actually reached out to Miss Manners at some point lamenting that they were at a hotel breakfast, and they saw people do all sorts of weird things where they, like, put butter in the egg cup instead, or they, like, smashed the egg against the table to try and get the shell out and then, like, just unpeeled the whole thing and then mushed it on a plate.

Nick: And Miss Manners laments this. She laments the quote, "demise of so basic a skill." And she thinks it's actually a fear of cholesterol. Or maybe that cereal has prizes in them now, and so eggs aren't as attractive. Or that, like, at brunch, there's, like, more exciting egg dishes to order, like eggs Benedict, and so nobody does the soft boiled egg. And she's cool with difficult foods. Quote, "People who wrestle with a side of beef and lose don't look great, but there is a certain gravitas in the contest. To be bested by a soft boiled egg lacks dignity."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And so it's a problem out there. And I think soft boiled eggs are less common in the United States than they are, like, in the UK or Australia or Europe. Like, egg cups are not a standard feature in American homes. People are not registering for egg cups as part of, like, their wedding china. Like, I just don't feel like we're doing egg cups as a society.

Leah: My mom has an incredible set of egg cups, let me say. In the Bonnema household, we have egg cups. [laughs]

Nick: Right. You are a soft boiled egg household, but I don't know how common that is. And I think that may be the source of sort of the apprehension out there. And then because we don't necessarily know what to do with this, then, like, we don't order it, and then, like, this perpetuates the cycle. But it's a delightful morning item.

Leah: It is.

Nick: So, like, let's learn how to eat it.

Leah: It's the cycle of egglessness.

Nick: It is a cycle of egglessness. Yes.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And so all right, Leah. Well, tell me how should this be done. How do you eat this thing?

Leah: Well, as a side note, I—as a gift, I got an electric egg boiler.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Where you can time it perfectly for any type of egg. And let me tell you, what a delight! I love it. So for me, now I feel like I'm doing it wrong because it's been brought up.

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: I never felt insecure about my ...

Nick: That's why I'm here. That's my role here. Mm-hmm. [laughs]

Leah: So I, once we have the soft boiled egg, I put it in the cup.

Nick: Now here's a question: do you do the pointy side up or the pointy side down?

Leah: I do pointy side up.

Nick: Okay. Now just sidebar, I do not believe there's a correct answer there. I think it's very philosophical, and I would be curious to know what our audience does. There are many schools of thought. It's kind of like milk in first/tea in first for tea or, like, cream or jam for the scones. So pointy side up or pointy side down? It's a conversation. But you are pointy side up. Okay, proceed.

Leah: I think it's probably because I'm more shaped like a pointy side up person.

Nick: Oh, you're trying to anthropomorphize this. I see.

Leah: [laughs] So if the egg was me ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: ... we would have the round on the bottom.

Nick: Okay. Fair enough. [laughs]

Leah: But in the electric egg boiler, the pointy side goes down.

Nick: Right. But you're not eating it out of the boiler.

Leah: No, but when I put it in, I think "This is backwards."

Nick: Oh, I see. Okay.

Leah: Because it just feels like that's the top. Anyway, I put it in, and then if I don't—if I'm in a place with sans egg cup ...

Nick: Okay.

Leah: ... I will wrap it in a—the bottom of it in a—in a little diaper of paper towel.

Nick: Yes. Okay, that is a very common approach sans egg cup. Right.

Leah: And then I, with the back of my spoon, tap tap tap tap tap.

Nick: Okay. And what you can't see is Leah is tapping sort of around the top.

Leah: Around the top. I'm cracking that egg.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then I peel the top off.

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then I dip in with my little spoon.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: And then I sort of open—you know, get it off the sides, and then I plop it out onto whatever it's getting plopped out onto.

Nick: So you remove the egg from the shell.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Onto a plate.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Oh, isn't that an interesting twist to the story. Okay. So that would be considered quite vulgar.

Leah: I mean, I am nothing if not vulgar. I want to put it on something.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: I like it on a toast.

Nick: Right. Okay.

Leah: Or a piece of potato.

Nick: Okay. So I was with you until we, like, removed the whole thing and plopped it on our plate. So I guess let's go a little historical. So let's go back to Louis XIV of Versailles fame. Famous gourmand, loved food. So he apparently had a technique where he would whack the top of an egg with a knife with such panache that people actually assembled to watch him do it.

Leah: Oh, wow!

Nick: He loved a morning egg. But it was sort of the fashion to, like, take it out of the shell and then put it on a plate or a bowl, and then mush it up and then do what you're doing with it. Now when we get into England in, like, the late 18th century, that habit did become considered to be sort of revolting, because we don't ...

Leah: [laughs] Casual revolting.

Nick: [laughs] Because we don't want to be like—I don't—we don't want to be mushing food on a plate. Like, that act, this is—this is not what we want to be doing or seeing other people do. And it's sort of slimy and, like, we're not playing with our food. So, like, this just became a thing that we're not doing. And in America, we took that habit with us. And so we like to keep the egg in the shell, and we just use a spoon—which ideally is an actual egg spoon, which you could buy at one point. Or we could do a demitasse if we're gonna have it do double duty during the day. And we would sort of like just eat a little, and we would sort of eat it out of the shell, and we would keep it in the shell as the container. Or we might have toast soldiers, which are like little sticks of toast, and we could dip, you know, if it's sort of casual but, like, that would be the technique.

Leah: I'm going to stick with revolting.

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Leah: I like that. I now know categorically that it's revolting, but I'm going to continue to do it because I like to take it out. I'm gonna put a little pepper on there.

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: Mmm!

Nick: So as seasoning goes, you are supposed to be seasoning as you go along. That's also something.

Leah: Or I could just do one season.

Nick: Well, you could do so many things, Leah. You could do so many things. But it doesn't mean I want to watch you do those things.

Leah: You do. I love the panache. I feel like if we could work that into more sentences, what a great word.

Nick: Mm-hmm.

Leah: Also, as you said, it's much—people are having less soft boiled eggs in the United States. I feel like in all of my British murder mysteries, there's always an egg. It's very popular. Hercule Poirot, Miss Scarlet and the Duke. We got eggs coming in.

Nick: Oh, it's a—it's a great literary device. Absolutely.

Leah: I love it.

Nick: And it's delicious. And so I think let's get some egg cups. Oh, one thing we didn't mention is you should do it in the egg cup. So ideally, there's an egg cup involved. And you would have it in the egg cup, and you would actually steady the egg cup with one hand, and then your dominant hand, you would whack the top edge just to create a little break, you know, with a knife. And then we would delicately remove that broken egg part with our fingers. That's fine, you put it on the plate. And then we would sort of scoop daintily, and that's how that should go. But I understand that there's other techniques out there.

Leah: I'll try it like that just for fun.

Nick: Okay. Yeah. I mean, it's a different technique than smushing it on your plate and mixing it all around and shoving it in your face. Yeah.

Leah: I mean, in my heart of hearts, I tend to gather with the vulgars. So we're out here smashing our eggs. [laughs]

Nick: [laughs] You know what? Whatever works for you, who am I to say?

Leah: [laughs] I love this. This is so great!

Nick: So enjoy!

Leah: And if you have egg cups, please send us pictures. I bet there—because there—there are some fun ones. Like, people—like, my mom's are of small chickens.

Nick: Oh, yes. Oh, there's actually a term that is actually given to the name of the hobby of collecting egg cups. It's called "pocillovy," and it comes from the Latin "pocillium ovi," meaning "small cup of an egg." Yeah. No, people actually collect egg cups. It's like a thing. And, like, there's actually a name for it. Yeah.

Leah: Oh, that's so fun.

Nick: That's how popular this is. I guess, you know, maybe not so much in the United States yet, but maybe, maybe we're gonna start something.

Leah: I think we're gonna—we're gonna start it off.

Nick: But you don't want to use egg cups, so are you just gonna opt out?

Leah: No, I like to have—after it's boiled, I put it in the egg cup to wait for me to get ready.

Nick: Oh, it's just a holder.

Leah: And then—yeah, it's a holder. And then I crack it in the egg cup.

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: And I peel the top off in the egg cup.

Nick: Yeah. No, I know what you're doing.

Leah: Mmm, that was said with slight derision.

Nick: [laughs] Yeah. No, I mean, it's just like etiquette is like poetry. You are welcome to break the rules once you know the rules, and so now you know that it would be preferred in certain company to keep the egg in the egg cup and scoop daintily from the shell.

Leah: Probably I'm not in that company, so ...

Nick: Okay. All right.

Leah: [laughs] I'm gonna try it just for fun.

Nick: Try it. See how you like it. It may change your experience.

Leah: It may. It feels like a whole different experience that way, so I'm gonna—I'm gonna look forward to having that kind of an experience.

Nick: Mm-hmm. Okay. Well, report back. Let us know.

Leah: Egg-cellent!

Nick: [laughs] Oh, Leah! Actually, I'm shocked that it took you to the end.

Leah: I am, too.

Nick: To put in an egg pun. Like, that—I'm disappointed.

Leah: I'm disappointed as well. And I'm not yolking about that. I just didn't think of it because I actually got very hungry in the middle of that, and I was thinking I could really go for a soft boiled egg. So the pun side of my brain was overtaken by hunger, but then after we closed it out, I thought, uh oh!

Nick: You came out of your shell.

Leah: I didn't even crack that open!

Nick: [laughs] Okay.

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to go deep.

Leah: Deep tissue.

Nick: That's right. For today's question of etiquette, I want to talk about getting a professional massage.

Leah: Which I can imagine feels fraught for a lot of people, a little uncomfortable.

Nick: Yeah. No, if you've never had one, yeah, it can actually be a little, like, nerve wracking. And that's, like, the opposite of what we're trying to achieve here.

Leah: And I think the whole point of our show, where we want to take something that feels nerve wracking and make it not nerve wracking.

Nick: So do you like a good professional massage? Is this something that you have in your lifestyle?

Leah: I do, but I—it took me a long time to get comfortable with it.

Nick: Yeah. I just got back into it after a little bit of a break and I'm reminded, oh, isn't this nice? So yeah, I definitely want more of that in my life.

Leah: I haven't gotten back into it. I was into it for a long time. So maybe this will inspire me to get back into it.

Nick: And so let's just talk through, like, some of the logistics and things maybe you don't know or need to be reminded about. So I think the first thing is you gotta show up on time, because I think there are few professionals out there who keep an eye on the clock closer than massage therapists.

Leah: Oh, yes. I mean, to the minute.

Nick: Right? Yeah, you're not gonna get another second of that massage as soon as that second hand sweeps up and hits that minute. Yeah. And that's fine. I mean, this is very physical work, and you pay for their time and that's what that is. And so that's no problem, but you want to get the most out of your time, so you definitely don't want to, like, show up late and expect a full massage.

Leah: Yeah. And you want to get there early because probably there'll be, like, a few things you need to do beforehand.

Nick: Yes, but apparently you don't want to get there too early. There is a massage therapist pet peeve where, like, depending on what their practice is, that you'll show up early and, like, you'll expect them to let you into the building, or you'll be, like, waiting for them in the lobby and they're actually in another massage, or they're between appointments, like, just doing whatever they're doing and they're, like, not ready for you yet. So it does feel like there's a sweet spot of, like, arriving early but, like, let's not arrive an hour early.

Leah: I think it depends on also is this a group massage place or a single person?

Nick: Right. So I go to, like, a single person and their, like, massage practice. And so he's the one that, like, lets you up the building. And so I know, like, oh, you know, five minutes before the scheduled time is sort of like he'll be available.

Leah: And then if it's a group place, you can get there earlier because there's a waiting room, and ...

Nick: Yeah, and there's gonna be, you know, a chilled tea option and ...

Leah: You could have a water. Sometimes there's a locker room, but that's more like if it's a spa.

Nick: And so all right, we're on time. And then we are going to probably chat with our massage therapist. And we need to communicate. We need just to be, like, open and honest about, like, what do we want? What are we expecting out of this? Because they're not mind readers. And so we just need to, like, tell them. And if you've never done a massage before, I think we say that right out of the gate.

Leah: Yeah, just let them know.

Nick: And you definitely want to, like, tell them about any health stuff. I was reading just like massage therapists' complaints online in preparation of our chat today. Somebody mentioned that, like, they had a client who apparently had shrapnel in their chest and didn't mention it until, like, halfway through the massage. And it's sort of like, oh, that feels like something you might mention.

Leah: Yeah, bring it up up top.

Nick: Right? Yeah.

Leah: And this is also when you feel free to mention, like, if there's one particular area.

Nick: Yes. And you want to be specific. You don't want to just be like, "Oh, you'll see when you get in there." Because that's like going to a mechanic and being like, "Oh yeah, something's wrong with the car. You'll see when you open the hood."

Leah: Yeah.

Nick: It's sort of like, could we get a little more detail on that?

Leah: And it's also so they can figure out how much of the time they want to spend, because in my experience, people are, like, "I'm gonna work around the body in this amount of time," and then so if you're like, "I need more time on this," then they can in their mind be like, "All right, I'm gonna figure that out."

Nick: Yeah. And this is also your opportunity to talk about, like, oh, is there a music preference you have? Like, do you want whale sounds? Do you want nothing? Like, what is the vibe that you also want? Because, you know, they can try and accommodate this.

Leah: And always good to have showered before.

Nick: Yes. Hygiene. Yes, I think we want to be showered. I think we don't want to have, like, hair products in our hair in case we're getting, you know, in a little neck area, I think we want to be mindful of, yeah, scents. I don't think we want to put cologne on before we go for a massage.

Leah: As a curly, I can't not have hair products in. I've not ever left a house without hair product, but I just pull my hair up.

Nick: Yeah, you tie it back. Yeah. So that would be the strategy. And then I think we also want to remove jewelry. I think, you know, a lot of people may forget about, like, oh, that one necklace that's like I always leave on kind of thing. But, like, this would actually be the occasion to take it off.

Leah: And I turn my phone all the way off.

Nick: Yes. Yeah, vibrate makes a huge amount of noise in a quiet room.

Leah: It does. Yes.

Nick: A massage therapist pet peeve which comes up online a lot is people who are texting during the massage.

Leah: No!

Nick: And it's sort of like no, no, no.

Leah: No.

Nick: No. So don't do that.

Leah: I also—when I first started, and even sometimes now I'm unsure, I'll say, "Am I taking all of my clothes off?"

Nick: So naked or not? I think this is a great question. I think you could do whatever you are comfortable with.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Either is totally fine. And they are so good at the strategic towel blanket moving around, that if you're naked or not naked, like, it actually won't make a difference. So, like, do whatever you feel like you want to do. I do think if you are asking for a certain area, like, oh, I really need my upper back worked on, but you're wearing a sports bra. Well, that's gonna just make it a little harder. So just know that.

Leah: Yes. And they really are—it's like origami with sheets. Like, you're always somehow covered. It's really phenomenal work.

Nick: Yeah. No, it's definitely a learned skill, for sure. But yeah, naked or not, totally up to you. And what will happen is you'll have a little chat with your massage therapist, and then they will leave the room for you to get undressed. Apparently, a lot of people like to get undressed during that conversation and they'll be like, "Oh no, it's cool, I don't mind." But, like, the massage therapist might mind. And so, like, just wait until they step out of the room for a few minutes because they will. And they'll give you a few minutes to undress. And they will probably tell you where to put your stuff. If there's like a little small stool with wheels on it, that is not for you. So do not put your stuff on that little stool thing. That is for them. They will use that. So find somewhere else in that room. And don't leave it right at the table either because, like, they have to get around that table 360. So, like, don't leave your backpack or your purse, like, right, like, at the table right under it because, like, they have to walk there.

Leah: Yeah, I usually put it in a—unless there's a specified place. If there's not a specified place, I'll put it in a corner.

Nick: And then they probably are gonna tell you whether or not they're gonna start face up or face down, so follow instructions. And you want to get under the blanket, under the top sheet. You are not laying on top of the table unless that is the instruction for some reason. But I think 99 percent of the time you are starting under the sheet and under the blanket.

Leah: Every time. I could say every time I've had a massage.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I don't think there's a time you start on top. But, like, I wanted to allow that possibility, I guess.

Leah: But they've always said, "I'm gonna step out. Take your clothes off and get under the sheet face down." Every time I've been face down, starting off.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah. So follow instructions. And then the massage will commence. And then there will be opportunities for you to offer feedback. And it is important to offer feedback if you have it, and so if the temperature is not right, you need more pressure, less pressure. Like, they're not mind readers, and they don't know how it feels on you. So you need to speak up if you have something to say.

Leah: In obviously a nice way.

Nick: In a nice way. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, don't tell them how to do their job but, like, "Oh, can we, you know, turn up the heat a little bit?" Or, like, "Oh, you know, that pressure on that spot is too much." Whatever it is. But just, like, say it, because I think what they don't want to have happen, what a massage therapist does not want to have happen is you say everything's fine, and then you complain to a manager afterwards.

Leah: Yeah. Or you just don't have a good experience and you don't come back when they could have easily changed it.

Nick: Right. But within reason. I mean, everybody has their own style and technique, so you can't necessarily ask for something, like, that's totally different from what they offer.

Leah: Yeah. You're not like, "Can you be a different person?" That's not gonna ...

Nick: Right. "Can we turn this into acupressure?" Like, well no, that's not what this is. So just within reason, which is so often the theme. And then tipping. The massage is over, they've left the room, you gather your thoughts, you get dressed, and we have to check out. And tipping. Yeah, tipping is a thing, usually.

Leah: Yes. I've never not been in a place where it's not a thing.

Nick: Well, here's the thing: the guy I go to specifically says "No tipping, just give me referrals." To which I say, "Oh, isn't that wonderful?" I mean, he's excellent, so I would go back to him regardless. But even if it was a okay massage, the fact that I don't have to worry about tipping is such a relief. Like, I get relaxation just from that aspect alone.

Nick: That's so true. And I take back what I said because I saw specifically for, like, a problem I was having in particular, a sports massage therapist. And I asked her. I said—and she goes, "Oh, I do not do—this is like a medical office. I do not do tips."

Leah: So yeah, certainly when there are massages that are more in the context of a medical sort of situation, like physical therapy, then yes, we actually typically would not go in that tip direction, as opposed to more like just a day spa direction. But when in doubt, ask.

Leah: Just ask.

Nick: Always ask. They will be happy to let you know whether or not they accept tips or not. They'll be happy to say what is typical, which is probably 20 percent. So always ask. And another thing just to mention is, like, let them move you. Just be a wet noodle. Which is easier said than done. I have a hard time with this, but when they want to move your arm up or around, like, you want to not help them. Like, just let them move your body, and they'll let you know if they need your help.

Leah: And I also struggle with that, and they'll tell you, "Hey, you're holding your own head up. Don't do that."

Nick: [laughs] Right. Yeah, I think that's actually a number one, like, massage therapist pet peeve is when, like, we just are trying to help or we're, like, too stiff or, like, we're actively moving or fighting against them, which, you know, note back to the massage therapists, this is not easy for us.

Leah: [laughs] No.

Nick: It's hard just to be a wet noodle while we're awake. So we're doing our best.

Leah: I don't even realize I'm doing it.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I'm just, like, normally holding my head up, you know, all day long, so it's hard to, like, not.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: But, you know, I do acknowledge that I need to try and let go.

Leah: And pro tip?

Nick: Mm-hmm?

Leah: Not have anything to do with etiquette, have some water afterwards.

Nick: And lastly, here's a few other things that I saw on the internet that I thought were fun to mention. These are things that massage therapists really don't like clients doing. So one of them is at some places there's candy in, like, a candy dish at the counter. Don't take all the candy. Apparently that's a thing that happens.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: If you have to use the restroom, do it before. Do not, like, go in the middle of your session if we can avoid it because that, like, just breaks up the flow of what's happening.

Leah: Obviously, if it's an emergency.

Nick: Right. I mean, if you have to use the restroom, use the restroom. But, like, you know, if we can avoid it, like, let's avoid it. And then looking at them, keeping your eyes open and, like, staring at them as this is happening, that is also something that they don't love. So just close your eyes. Just close your eyes.

Leah: I love that that was on the internet that they're like, "Please don't look at us." Because sometimes I think, am I supposed to keep my eyes open or closed? And I close my eyes because otherwise I can't in any way relax.

Nick: It's like also when you have your teeth cleaned at the dentist, do you stare at your dentist's eyes? No. You try and look away. It's the same idea.

Leah: I don't know, do I? I'm so panicked ...

Nick: I hope you don't.

Leah: ... at the dentist that I think my eyes glaze over.

Nick: Right. But yeah, apparently this is an issue that does come up. So now you know.

Leah: Now we know!

Nick: So massages are great. So if you've never had one or it's been a while, give that a try.

Leah: Give it a try!

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I'm gonna actually get one tomorrow. So ...

Leah: There's a great place right off the N train at Broadway, right on the corner on the right hand side. I don't remember what it's called. It's on the second floor. I think it has the word 'apple' in it. Check it out.

Nick: Okay. A big apple massage.

Leah: Yes.

Nick: Okay. Yeah. If my regular guy doesn't work out, I'll check that out.

Nick: Swing by. It's right over a lovely grocery store so you can hit ...

Nick: Oh, okay. So I can buy some yogurt and get a massage.

Leah: Perfect.

Nick: [laughs] Okay. I will not be doing these things.

Leah: [laughs] I know, I know.

Nick: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to take some questions from you all in the wilderness.

Leah: [howls]

Nick: So our first question is quote, "I've come across something that I initially found charming, but over time has raised a question for me. Rather than a thank you from some, especially younger people, I'm hearing, 'I appreciate you.' It has a sincerity to it, but how does one respond? A 'you're welcome' doesn't seem to suit. Do I say 'Likewise, I appreciate you?' Help!"

Leah: I think a fun "Samesies."

Nick: "Samesies. Back at ya." Yeah. I mean, "Thank you" works. I think "Thank you" works even though it's not, like, grammatically sort of correct. It does feel like it's just punctuation. Like, the exchange is "Ba ba," "Ba ba ba." And then, like, that's—that's the exchange.

Leah: So I say "I appreciate you," and you say "Thank you."

Nick: And it's just the punctuation for that little exchange. Like, it's like, "Oh, how are you?" "I'm great." That "I'm great" is just punctuation. It is not an actual information about how you are. And so, like, it just feels like you've said something, I'm gonna say something to acknowledge that thing. So I think "Thank you" could be fine. Like it's just sort of a placeholder.

Leah: I like "Thank you."

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: And then you could put them together. "Thank you. Samesies."

Nick: I guess you could say "It's my pleasure."

Leah: That's nice. I think it depends on who the person is saying it. Is this formal or is this casual?

Nick: "I'm so happy to hear that?" "I'm so glad?"

Leah: I like "I'm so glad." I also like "Oh, I'm delighted," because I would be delighted by that. "Oh, I'm delighted."

Nick: Yeah. "How kind of you to say?" I guess that could work. So I guess all of that works. But yeah, every time we go off script, though, you know, there is sort of like that issue, which is like, oh, we went off script, so it makes all the other people who are playing that play with you, the other actors don't know exactly what their line should be.

Leah: I like "I appreciate you," though. I say it to people.

Nick: Yes. Although I would say "I appreciate this specific thing that you just did." Like, "Thank you so much for taking the time today. I really appreciate you making time in your schedule." Like, I would say it more in that way, rather than just, like, "Generally speaking, on the whole, I appreciate you.

Leah: Well, if I was writing a business letter, I would say what you just said but, like, to a friend or to, like, somebody who reached out about something that was more emotional, I would say, "And I appreciate you."

Nick: Yes. "And I you."

Leah: That's nice, too.

Nick: That's nice, too. Yeah. Not probably the tone I'd use, but yes, in general. [laughs] Yeah. Okay.

Leah: And I feel like you can mix all those options.

Nick: Yeah. Just spin the wheel, pick one of those.

Leah: Put them together. "Thank you." "And I you."

Nick: "And I you."

Leah: "I'm delighted."

Nick: Okay.

Leah: "Samesies."

Nick: "How kind of you to say."

Leah: #Backatcha.

Nick: So our next question is quote, "A long time friend is turning 60, and her husband has invited my husband and me to a birthday celebration—how nice! The rub is that we would have to dress up in '60s attire. My husband is not into theme parties, and doesn't want to quote 'play dress up,' but this is somebody we've been friends with for 30 years. What do I do?"

Leah: I was wondering if there was an accessory, some kind of accouterment in between not dressing up and full '60s costume that we could find a happy medium.

Nick: Okay. I mean, my first thought was you can't not go to this event. You need to figure out a way to go. And it is also important to kind of respect the host's wishes. So, like, you do need to participate in some way and show you made an effort for the theme, right? Because if you don't want to do it at all, full stop, I will not participate, then it's kind of like, you know, should you not go? Right?

Leah: Yeah, that's sort of how I felt.

Nick: Right? So it's like, you gotta go to this thing. Like, a long time friend, big milestone birthday? Show up. And so yeah, I think some participation with an accessory.

Leah: A little participation, and then not be angry about it when you're there.

Nick: Right. Yeah, we can't be the grumpy party guest.

Leah: Yeah. Just be like, get—you know, try to throw yourself into it. Play a character for two hours.

Nick: Right. But my first thought was the '60s, that's a lot of things we can do. I mean, that's like the love-ins in Golden Gate Park, but that's also like Jackie Kennedy pillbox hat. Right?

Leah: I know I was about to say you could be like a fun FBI suit that we all think of.

Nick: That works.

Leah: And then get those framed glasses. They're just like without the glasses inside.

Nick: Yeah, a nice chunky black frame. Or I think if we wanted just to participate a little then, like, let's wear a suit, a nice dark suit, but then let's get, like, a groovy pocket square. Give me some sort of hippie pattern pocket square as a little pop. Or a daisy. Maybe a daisy as a boutonniere. You know, that that could be a nod to the theme.

Leah: Or if you're not a suit person and you're a jeans person, then just make it a little more Woodstock-y jeans-y.

Nick: Okay. I mean, I think that's definitely not what our gentleman in this story wants to be doing. [laughs]

Leah: No, but I'm saying if they don't—maybe they're not a suit person. Maybe they're actually just a very casual person and they want to remain casual. But I think you could make casual work, as—you could make a suit work in this, or you could make casual work in this.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, I would say is there something we could do with, like, Apollo 11? Can we, like, do something moon-themed? You know, is that an idea? Like, is there ...?

Leah: I can't imagine that they are like, "I don't want to dress up," and then their next thing would be, "I want to wear a full astronaut outfit." But it might be, and I think that would be very fun.

Nick: Well, but, like, a NASA t-shirt, like the logo, the 1960s NASA logo t-shirt if we're a jeans kind of guy. That may not be appropriate for a birthday party like this but, like, but you get our point. Our point is that over a whole decade in the United States—and who says this has to be the United States? Actually, I don't know where this letter is. I think historically, there are so many references. So, you know, like, there's lots of different ways to do this decade.

Leah: And just do a little, you know? Just do a little for your friend as their—think of it, as their birthday present.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, actually the first thing I wrote down was "Tough it out."

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Just tough it out. It's not gonna kill you. It's not gonna kill you. And so just do it.

Leah: And it might even be fun.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, actually I will say in my experience, all the times there was, like, an event or something where I was like, "Oh, do I have to do this thing?" And then I was like, okay, we're gonna go, we're gonna do the thing, we're gonna accommodate this weird request from a host, and we're gonna go," most of the time it actually is quite fun, and you're like, "Oh, I'm glad I did that." So I do think if you go and you participate fully to the maximum of your capabilities, yeah, I think you're actually gonna have a nice time.

Leah: Maybe you could even, like—if you're just adding, like, a slight accessory, maybe you could bring a platter of something that is 1960s, was very popular.

Nick: Yeah. Let's get the 1963 Betty Crocker cookbook. I feel like there was a lot of things in molds and Jell-o.

Leah: Yes, that's what I was thinking.

Nick: I think a lot of—a lot of dip options.

Leah: Oh!

Nick: Yeah.

Leah: Good times!

Nick: Actually, that could be fun. Okay. Yeah, super fun.

Leah: Options!

Nick: So many options. So do you have questions for us about Jell-o molds or anything else? Let us know! You can let us know through our website WereYouRaisedByWolves.com. Or you can leave us a voicemail or send us a text message: (267) CALL-RBW.

Leah: I really hope there's some Jell-o mold questions.

Nick: I mean, if you have questions about Jell-o molds, I am capable of answering them. So let me know.

Leah: Now I want a poached egg and to make something in a Jell-o mold. I mean, I've never been so hungry during an episode.

Nick: [laughs] We're gonna change formats, Leah. It's a—it's a food show now. It's a food show.

Leah: That's an easy pivot.

Nick: Yeah. Yeah, that's not a stretch.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And we're back. And now it's time to play a game we like to call Vent or Repent.

Leah: Vent or repent!

Nick: Which is our opportunity to vent about some bad etiquette experience we've had recently, or we can repent for some etiquette faux pas we've committed. So Leah, would you like to vent or repent?

Leah: I'm gonna vent.

Nick: All right. What has happened?

Leah: Well, I think this is so great, because I believe in a very previous week we discussed traveling with animals.

Nick: We did.

Leah: And I was trying to be supportive of people who aren't traveling with animals.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: And just from a traveling-with-animals point of view. I thought this was—this came up and I thought, oh, how perfect! I'm in Vegas.

Nick: All right.

Leah: With Miss Lacey-Jane, my dog. And she is in her bag. We are minding our own business at the gate. We're sitting there. This lady comes and sits directly next to me.

Nick: Okay.

Leah: Directly. I mean, I usually like to leave a seat. Your business. Looks at me and goes, "I feel so sorry for animals who have to travel."

Nick: Okay. "Hello, stranger—and your opinion."

Leah: "Hi!" That's me. "Hi. How are you?"

Nick: Okay. Let's just go right into it, okay.

Leah: A) So judgy. You're just gonna walk over and be judgy to me? Who are you?

Nick: Yeah. Oh, that's pretty bold. Yeah, that's pretty bold.

Leah: What? You don't know me. You don't know my dog. So judgy!

Nick: Yeah. Oh no, I mean, that's—that is totally judgy. I mean, that's what that is. Yeah. So what do you say to that? What do we do?

Leah: [laughs] Well, you know me, I do—I stop and I stare for a second.

Nick: Yes. Sort of for a slightly uncomfortably long time.

Leah: [laughs] Yeah. And then I put on my happy voice."Oh!" I said, "Oh, I'm not."

Nick: Okay. Yeah. Good.

Leah: "Lacey likes to be—" that's—you are now assuming, besides being judgy, walking over and judging me when I don't even know you, you're assume—you're making it that I'm a bad dog mom, that I would take a dog that doesn't like to travel traveling.

Nick: Yes. Oh, that's what she is wanting to say. "You are a bad person, and you're doing a bad thing."

Leah: My dog doesn't like to be left home. She's fine with traveling. This girl doesn't even need, like, a Benadryl. She just gets on the plane, takes a nap, get off the plane, we party. This is our relationship. Stay out of it. You know what I mean?

Nick: Yeah, right. Yeah, this is not your business.

Leah: What are you talking about?

Nick: Okay, so do we just leave it at that?

Leah: No, I didn't—I didn't just leave it at that.

Nick: No. No, we didn't do that.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: [laughs]

Leah: I just get my back up when it's about—saying that I wouldn't somehow—also, let me say now that I thought about it, what if I had, like, an emergency thing and I needed to travel across America and I had to bring my dog? You don't know what my life is.

Nick: Oh, yeah. No, there's no place for this conversation.

Leah: There's no place for this. Who are you? But I said, "Oh, I'm not." And I said, "Do you have animals?" And she said, "I do." And I said, "Oh, where are they?" And she's like, "I leave them at home." And then I just let that sit. And then she goes very defensively, "I have somebody stop by once a day to check on them."

Nick: Uh-huh.

Leah: Hmm.

Nick: Hmm. Interesting. Okay.

Leah: "I'm gonna let you make your choices for your dogs, and I'm gonna do what I think is best for my dogs."

Nick: Yeah, that's fair. That's definitely fair. So did that end that conversation?

Leah: Oh, we finished that conversation. I think by the end of the conversation, she realized that she was ...

Nick: Out of line.

Leah: Out of line. And that I was not—I'm not going along with this ridiculous conversation that we're having.

Nick: Yeah. I mean, let's just not judge strangers. Yeah. Can we just—is that a good rule? Is that a rule? Can we say that definitively? Is there ever an occasion when we would actually want to judge strangers to their face?

Leah: Well, it's like keep it in your head unless you, like, have to intervene in some kind of a crisis situation, I don't need you to walk over to me and let me know what you think. Who are you?

Nick: Well, she is somebody who has no internal monologue.

Leah: It's so like I'm being admonished by some schoolmarm.

Nick: Yeah. No, none of this is good. No. Horrible! Well, I'm sorry that happened to you.

Leah: Well, we fixed it. Lacey—then I unzipped the bag. Lacey jumped on her face.

Nick: If only. If only!

Leah: She said, "Leave my mom alone! I like to travel! And then I laughed. [laughs]

Nick: Okay. That was your internal monologue, wanting that all to happen. Yeah.

Leah: And I kept it to myself like a lady.

Nick: Yes. The polite way to go. Yes. So for me, I would like to vent. And so I was recently in Brooklyn, a place I go to sometimes.

Leah: I would love that if that was the whole vent. "I had to go to Brooklyn."

Nick: No, I was recently in Brooklyn. Cue the music. No, so I'm in Brooklyn, and I am going to see a show called Volcano, which was at St. Ann's Warehouse, which is like a very cool space that has very cool theater-y things. And Volcano is very interesting. It was four hours, and the first intermission is not for two-and-a-half hours in. So, like, that's kind of like what is happening. And there's two actors, and they're sort of in a human terrarium-like fish tank, and maybe they're in space, maybe they're not, who can say? There's a lot of dance. The set is amazing, the acting is amazing. Great show. What was not amazing is the woman behind us, and she was sort of like in a sleeping bag jacket-onesie thing that had more zippers than you have ever seen on anything.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And so it was the type of fabric that makes that swoosh sound when you walk. You know that fabric, like, if you were wearing track pants that whoosh? That same nylon, that same material—very loud. So we have that material, and it's sort of billowy, and then we have zippers. So we have that painting the scene. And my friend Patrick was actually right next to me, and he remarked at the intermission, two-and-a-half hours in, that her waist level was his ear level.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: And so that is a material detail, because I think so often we don't realize, like, oh, people's ears might actually be, like, right where I'm making noise, which is like waist level on me. And so she just proceeded to fidget the entire show. And I get that this is a long show. This is a long show. It was not a secret that this is the long show. The number of times, the number of emails from the theater making it so clear how long the show was, when the first intermission was, like, you knew what you were in for. And also, this is a show that's like, these are New Yorkers. Like, these are people that go to the theater. You don't just walk in off the street for, like, this show. And so, like, she's been to the theater before. She knows. And so that's what made it sort of maddening is that, like, for two hours, you are just like, whooshing and zipping and it's sort of like this—we cannot live in this world. We cannot live in this world. And none of, like, the rotating head, glancing, like, that wasn't working. And so it's just like, okay, we'll just tune it out. But it's a vent because I feel like we just want to settle down at some point and just enjoy the show.

Leah: Nobody wants to hear whooshing and zipping for two hours.

Nick: We really don't. We really don't. Yeah. So it was unfortunate, but great show. I would see it again.

Leah: I mean, it sounds really fun. You're in a warehouse. People are in a terrarium.

Nick: Yeah, totally wild.

Leah: Very cool.

Nick: Yeah. So that was cool but, like, she was not. So that is my vent.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: So Leah, what have we learned?

Leah: Well, I learned that I'm eating my soft boiled eggs like a vulgar.

Nick: Yes. I also learned that today.

Leah: I'm also making a vulgar a noun.

Nick: I think that's appropriate.

Leah: I do, too. I like it very much, and I hope it works its way into the language.

Nick: Wear that badge with honor.

Leah: [laughs]

Nick: Well, thank you, Leah.

Leah: Thank you, Nick.

Nick: And thanks to you out there for listening. I'd send you a handwritten note on my custom stationery if I could.

Leah: He would!

Nick: So for your homework this week, I want your questions. Fill up our coffers with just your questions. What have you always wondered about? What etiquette debate do you have with somebody that you want us to settle? Let us know.

Leah: Mmm!

Nick: Right? Oh, you have an etiquette debate with somebody, so let us be the tiebreaker. And we'll see you next time!

Leah: Bye!

N:Bye!

Nick: All right, Leah. It's time for Cordials of Kindness, the part of the show that you make us do, but I only give you 30 seconds to do it. Ready, set, go!

Leah: I just wanted to throw out a Cordials of Kindness to our amazing listeners, because I feel like I keep running into them more and more in real life.

Nick: Oh, IRL.

Leah: In IRL, and then also in different platforms, people reaching out, sharing little things that are just so lovely. And every time I think, "How do we have such incredible listeners?" I feel so grateful.

Nick: Well, anybody who is interested in, like, being nice and polite and kind, this is a good demo. Yeah, this is a good audience to have.

Leah: Just so lovely.

Nick: Yeah. Oh, very nice. And for me, I want to say thank you to my new mahjong group that I have been going to. I've tried to get back into mahjong lately, play a little more, and so I have—I've been playing a lot of mahjong. And this new group is so fun and great people, really friendly, very welcoming. And one woman invited me to a party at her house this weekend, and I was like, oh, isn't that nice? Oh, we're gonna—we're gonna take this relationship outside of mahjong? I mean, how great! So it's been super fun to play mahjong and then just, like, have a whole new circle of friends.

Leah: That is so lovely!

Nick: Totally lovely. So thanks!